Getting into a relationship is quite tricky. It has its ups and downs. It contains laughs and tears. And when it unfortunately, coming to a break up, it is definitely never easy. Some people are facing this stressful moment by running to the lighter side. But some are just as depressed as it sounds. Either way, it is normal for us human to feel a little something when there come a time we ever lost what we once had.
Anyway, saying 2020 is a challenging year, guess when you have to face your broken heart too this year? Yeah, healing yourself is important. At this phase, we need to stand up by ourselves, if not us then who will?
It was purely by coincidence when I first saw on Instagram posts about one or two lines in The Modern Break Up novel by Daniel Chidiac. It attracted me. After did some digging, I decided to give it a chance to read this 2019 book. And it surprised me on how many times I can feel the characters struggle on how to get out of a toxic relationship and how to move on. It is a surely a romantic novel with American style and background, as people say, it is a contemporary story follows a woman named Amelia who is freshly heart-broken by her ex and facing her demons to move on or stay put in the confusing limbo where she is tempted to getting back into her past toxic relationship.
This novel clearly telling its readers on how raw human beings when we are in a relationship-talking mode. It uses direct and revealing words that I forget I am in a middle of reading a book, not in my own story of life. The language is even better by using daily dialogues and modern set up. I feel like I've known Amelia and others for my entire life.
And these are several moments that hit me hard. Most of them I could say that at some point at my life, I might faced the same confusion or feelings. And damn it's true.
“Honestly, social media has become a way for people to send subliminal messages. We try to get someone’s attention by liking their picture or make them feel a certain way by posting things ourselves. The times of openly expressing how we really feel to someone are going. It’s time for all these hidden messages now. We’re all getting weaker. It’s like, if you want to text, text. If you want to call, call. Make proper contact.”
❤
It is no stranger anymore to us, this passive-aggressive behavior on social media. Even me, sometimes I did it also consciously only to monitor people's reaction. I think there is a habit shifting in younger generations, that if it can be done by indirect actions, why would we bother to speak up blatantly?
“When it comes to dating. I seem to be going in a circle. The ones I want don’t want me, and the ones who want me, I don’t want. It’s the same scenario over and over again.”
❤
I guess most of us, are or were ever in this state. To love is a great pleasure, but to be loved in return is a greatest gift. When you're having this present right now, please don't let it go. Some of us are still trying to get there.
“I keep trying to convince myself that I shouldn’t want someone who doesn’t want me, but my emotions keep getting the better of me. I know deep down that I should be stronger than this. I know that I need to close the door and accept that my love wasn’t appreciated. Not because it was wrong, but because I gave it to someone who doesn’t understand it.”
❤
The most devastating part of a break up is certainly days after the D-Day. The ones who are left behind, somehow are in a limbo. Plus when you don't know what was wrong, you keep pulling back to your fallen relationship. Let me tell you now, anything less than 'yes' is a 'no', so when they decided to call things off, believe them. It's over and go get yourself up.
“If a guy really wants to be with someone, he will do everything he can, and it will be very clear to you. If he’s only coming around here and there, it means he doesn’t really want it or is confused. And on the odd occasion that he does want it and isn’t being clear, then he’s not a man. He should man up and grow some balls, and if he won’t, then you don’t want that.”
❤
Because when he or she really mean it, they will at least give a try. This one I keep telling myself, if a guy does not give a clear signal for me, meaning either he is not sure with us or he just doesn't like me in a romantical way. And over the years I learn to live with it. If he just on and off with you, clearly he doesn't want anything serious, you might be an option in their waiting list. Or simply he just want to be a platonic friend to you.
“You know that ‘walking on thin ice’ feeling? You gotta find that perfect balance of showing interest without being too interested.”
❤
This one is interesting. Calling back to the first quote. This passive-aggressive action is popular within our age. We want to see our crush reaction first hence the questionable actions. We cannot show our interests first, it is obvious for women. We simply want an acceptable reactions, but we cannot give the same? Yeah it's funny sometimes. What a world we're living in.
“I stopped living a life where I only reacted to the way others treated me. If someone wants to be in my life, they will be. If not, I’m not going to keep chasing.”
❤
This quote should become a wake up call for everyone in despair. We should know when the pleading need to stop. Yes we ask them to stay. Yes we do some efforts. Hell yes we should give them time. But when every actions are already declared and there is no feedback, maybe it's time to stop the chasing. It doesn't mean what you once had was unimportant. It just means that their role in your current time phase is done. And maybe yours for their lives too. It might stop and end. But it also might continue in the future, who knows?
“When I really liked a girl and she became disinterested because I was open too soon, it really pissed me off. And sometimes it happened so often that it made me less open with many girls after that. I didn’t want to play games, but when I let my guard down and showed my emotions too quickly, the same thing happened. It was as shame that so many girls took my moments of vulnerability as weakness.”
❤
At some moments in my life, I've ever feel this kind of abandonment. But I guess when you show your true colors to people but they don't like it, it is totally fine. Sure it pissed me off sometimes. But honestly it is a blessing in disguise. You'll know who the ones are worth to stay. Well, you can't hide your true selves forever, can you?
“If a guy’s been seeing you a lot and is serious about it, he’ll involve you in his life. He’ll invite you to things he gets invited to; he will take you to family gatherings to meet everyone –”
❤
It is a very clear statement. You'll know it's official when he or she introduces you to the family. But when they only want a hidden romance, what's good in pretending?
“I think you’ll know by his actions what stage a guy is at. We always say people give us mixed messages, but I think we know. We just don’t want to face it. I don’t even have to tell you this stuff; you know it in your heart. It doesn’t matter what else he says or tries to make you believe.”
❤
It just like asking our friends opinions about something. Is this dress good for me? Am I look beautiful enough? Actually it's not a contrary statement we want to hear. We secretly hope to hear a validation from others. The same with broken feelings. When they deny to man up, their actions speak louder. You just have to open your eyes widely and accept the truth. It's never good that only one side giving efforts when others stay silent.
“I can’t stand how some people just change. It’s like you’re all cool, speak a lot, even become close, and then they just ignore you. Literally out of nowhere, they just don’t text back. I could never do that to someone. It’s so disgusting.” -- “It’s sickening, I agree. It’s like, ‘Just tell me if you’re seeing someone or don’t want to talk anymore,’ but to ignore someone you spoke to so often .. That’s fucked.”
❤
In life, this is just .. sad. When the memories stay and people begin to fade away .. it's kind of hard to accept that you're just not the way you used to be with them. Sometimes it's not because they don't want it, or they have pure intention to abandon you. It's not that. Sometimes, they just don't have time. And why is that? I think it's because the priority list is shifting. But once again, we have to learn living with it.
“You never know anyone fully, no matter if you’ve been with them for a whole lifetime. We are always learning about each other. You both have to be open to that. It’s the only way you can adapt for so long.”
❤
A classic one, but it never dies.
“They say getting your heart broken is similar to grieving a death. I have experienced deaths, and it honestly wasn’t as bad as being rejected by the only person I thought I wanted love from. Most people who have died, they didn’t have a choice. You learn to reason with that. But to have someone you gave your heart to say, more or less, ‘I can be with you, but I don’t want to be’, is like seeing the person you thought was dead living another life and being happier because you’re not in it. That abandonment was the worst feeling I have felt. It was hell.”
❤
No words 💔
“Fuck, those messages and notifications could change my mood easily. And it wasn’t even the things I was seeing but the things I wasn’t. Checking to see if someone had texted me back and realizing they hadn’t also changed my mood. It was an addiction. And just like any addiction, it wasn’t good for my mental health. Admittedly, the smallest, dumbest things still get to me sometimes. I’m not bulletproof; nobody is.”
❤
How many of us are easily getting anxious when notifications are coming on our phone? Or in this case, no notifications at all from someone we want to? We are so quick to jump when our phone ringing, only to realize it's from operators. Funny yea? On just one-ring-or-chat-away can change our mood.
“As I was putting on my clothes in front of the mirror, I stopped, stared at myself, and thought, You’re fucking tough. It was like someone slapped me in the face and woke me up. I’ve been through so much shit and I survived. I’ve gotten though everything life has thrown me and am still here standing. I had this sudden appreciation for myself. I now know that, without self-love, nothing else matters.”
❤
At the end of the day, you need to love yourself first before loving others. Because at the end of the day, it is you who pick yourself up, every little broken pieces to be a better, stronger, and happier you.
.jpg)
Comments
Post a Comment