coney island explained: a somber apology of moribund love

Counting the days to ninth studio album's anniversary from Taylor Swift, evermore, really got me listening to this alternative-indie-folk-pop music again. This year, the album has entered fourth year and never been a dull vibe, if anything it's becoming kind of a seasonal music to listen on autumn and winter days.

Some songs taste like pumpkin spice and warm orange lights, but also other melodic feels so cold as freezing as walking on wet road after autumn rain.

One song in particular, I was really attached into since I first listened to this album, is of course, coney island, featuring The National. The ninth track of the album has a somewhat sad acoustic opening, and even a sadder first verse.

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break my soul in two looking for you

but you're right here

if I can't relate to you anymore

then who am I related to?

The narrator perspective tells us that she's suffering enough trying to get her partner attention or even worse, just for their availability to be there, when in actual, her partner is there all along. She realized it latter, real reason she never feels his presence (lately) is because they're just too different now.

It's just like asking question, 'what will we become..?' if they keep running in same circle. She's desperately reaching to him, only to find him unresponsive to her needs.

and if this is the long haul

how'd we get here so soon?

She remembers that once upon a time, they made promise to each other that they'll be here for as long as they could. It was supposedly 'for ever', but since when 'ever' becomes 'never'?

Where does all the time go? Is it the end?

did I close my fist around something delicate?

did I shatter you?

But then she reflects on herself. Why do all the changes happen? 'Is it me?'

Was there something she did to her partner, so bad she crushed her partner's heart, and she didn't even realize it? Is that it?

Is their relationship so fragile, she's breaking it accidentally?

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chorus-1

and I'm sitting on a bench in coney island

wondering, where did my baby go?

the fast-times, the bright lights, the merry-go

Word choice of Coney Island is a very smart metaphor. The once popular and be a center of what 'fun' feels like, with merry-go-around, ferris wheel, and bustling crowds, theme park Coney Island in Brooklyn, NYC now abandoned full with empty buildings, neglected road and shops. This set up just describing perfectly for a slowly dying relationship that once sparked and burning red -pun intended- but now stuck in a limbo, undead and no will to live.

In this lyric, the narrator take a moment to reminisce what and how their relationship started to die.

chorus-2

sorry for not making you my centerfold

over and over

lost again with no surprises

disappointments close your eyes

and it gets colder and colder

when the sun goes down

She starts to understand where things go wrong, might be her ignorance in the past. That she didn't and still not, prioritizing her partner in most of the things. Might be just one little thing at first, then twice, and the counting goes on..

As gruesome as it feels, this abandonment is not unfamiliar feeling to her. Be lost like this, why does it not surprise her? She's too close to these disappointment inkling. And just like a fun theme park, when the night come, as she said, the sun goes down, less and less people roaming around since it gets darker and colder. They eventually go at the end.

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the question pounds my head

what's a lifetime of achievement

if I pushed you to the edge

but you're too polite to leave me

In this second verse, still in the same perspective, sung by The National's Matt Berninger, the narrator questions all of his achievements in life will mean nothing if at the end he's pushing his partner away. All of those peak moments that are supposed to be gratitude will be in vain if their relationship is dying. But again, he senses his partner's doubt to do anything, not even to leave him. Even for breaking their relationship, his partner doesn't have the heart.

and do you miss the rogue

who coaxed you into paradise

and left you there?

Oh how sweet their beginning started, a little rebellious burning romance, when he made promises to have a merry future days together, only to drag on the remains and eventually left his partner by herself.

will you forgive my soul,

when you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

Despite anything, the narrator keep asking, more like to him/herself, whether his/her partner have a willingness to forgive the mistakes that led to their broken relationship. Definitely not today, but tomorrow, years from now, will they be forgiven?

'cause we were like the mall before the internet

it was the one place to be

the mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams

sorry for not winning you an arcade ring

over and over

back to chorus

A well said proverb, because 'the mall' was really the place where everyone meets anyone, before the internet era hit. It was once center of the bustling crowds where people come alive and excitement pouring down on tenants. Just like their relationship that once became a center of their life, where they put focus on each other with a glimmer of passionate love.

But then again, the narrator always back to the point when he/she should have given his/her all. 'An arcade ring' symbolizes both prize and a hint of wedding proposal. No matter how small or worthless a gift was, they should've bestowed upon their partner. And how those forever dreams losing life, led to inevitable called off wedding.

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bridge-1

were you waiting at our old spot

in the tree line by the gold clock

did I leave you hanging every single day?

Waiting by the old spot defines how close and familiar the couple was. Having a place only both know, seems intimate. The tree line calls back to Taylor's 'Out of the Woods' meaning in the edge of safe and danger. While the gold clock is similar to something valueable that is gold and clock or time.

All of these precious factors turn out worthless if the partner is left by him/herself at the end. Their days are numbered.

were you standing in the hallway

with a big cake, happy birthday

did I paint your bluest sky the darkest gray

a universe away

This one pretty much devastating. The saying goes unattending the partner's birthday only mean that it was not important enough for the narrator. He/she keeps forgetting even on the partner's memorable moment. This prose is kind of giving double side of the story. Not just the partner's birthday, but also narrator's birthday. When the partner was there on their birthday, waiting for the narrator to come home, but none appeared, was just a neat expression of 'taking for granted'.

and when I got into the accident

the sight that flashed before me was your face

but when I walked up to the podium

I think that I forgot to say your name

back to chorus

It's paraphrasing "I keep ignoring you in my best times, even though you were always there in my worst days". It was a popular belief that when a person got into accident or in the edge of dying, important memorable piece of life will flash in their eyes.

Not just the partner's presence, but also for the narrator, he/she's been knew that the partner was the one he/she always find whenever life went sideways, because again, they've been taken for granted after all this time.

At the end of the song, the narrator keep reciting that despite all the fall, deep down they know that it was a painful regret for them to ignore the life they would have had, with their loyal partner. But it's too late now, even patience does has limit. What was burning love, now dim slowly to ashes.

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Anyway kudos to the songwriters, Taylor Swift herself, William Bowery (or should I say Joe Alwyn?), Aaron and Bryce Dessner, for beautifully composing notes into this melancholy meaningful prose. 

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚  *ੈ✩‧₊˚  ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･