Midnight Floating

 

credit: Pascal Campion

If one time in a whole day is constantly enough for us to know ourselves better, it's definitely midnight.

When the noise is finally shutting down, routines, and notifications are finally over. When we tuck ourselves in a warm duvet. Or maybe we just too tired to only lay down on the bed, we choose to walk around the house, getting some water or late night snacks are never wrong.

With the dark surrounds us, it almost feels like we can hear our mind talking so loud. The sounds are never be the same each day.

On good days, we'll find our lips cannot stop smiling. Our brain shows us the recollection of best moments of the day. When we passed the test. When we secured a new job. When we met our loved ones after months, even years. When we finally got what we wanted for so long.

At the time our minds would recall the journey we're on before we got here. All of the efforts we did, only to have these good times. When we think it deeply, sometimes it is just not in a blink of an eye. It has a process. The restless nights. The daylight sweats. The longing whispers.

It is quite amazing. Bet you never knew you passed all of these. Remember how many chances to let yourselves go down? Yes you've been through hell. But look at you now. You are exactly where you need to be. All of those hardships are paying off.

The night so quiet is where the gratitude lies. In silence you figured funny things. Those weird moments suddenly make sense. The puzzle is complete. Things are actually needed to be done. To get you here. In this very moment.

We had to lose someone and somehow be forgotten. Only to find people worth suffering for.

The hearts were broken. Just in time for you to realize nothing lasts forever, only God does. Thus you can redirect your losing paces to the right track. Thy seek one more time.

And here you are, winning small things which eventually becomes bigger for you to hope as a good start. At the end of the season, snows will melt and washed away, to let the first spring petals bloom.

But then we are old enough to know that life is actually a coin, where it has two different sides. Sometimes happiness is just one moment away. And the other times, it flips and leaves a bad, rough day for us to fight.

With only ourselves in the late night, it's easy to let heavy burdens slip into our heads. Those mistakes and regrets, lingering in the back of yours.

Oh how I wish I had not said that.

Oh how I wish I could turn back time.

Why I didn't came earlier?

And other whys which are living inside ourselves. We carry this guilt everyday and every night. Hoping someday the whispers will shut down.

But why it doesn't cease, honestly the answers are within us. Why we can't let something go?

How could you ask for forgiveness to those who you hurt, when you still can not forgive yourselves?

At some other days, a louder one will come at midnight.

A rage. Somehow you always know. All the hate, all the disgusts you felt. When you lose, it crawls out in the night. How you want to give things up, only to make those feelings disappear.

When we are too tired, feeling noone would actually listen. Feeling outcasted. Left behind. Once again you checked your instagram timeline that day. Those happy faces creating some memories with their pride and loved ones.

So how come things move on? How come cars don't slow? When it feels like the end of my world? (Coldplay)

One time after another, we shed an invisible tear. We knew that everyone's fighting different battles every time. But we couldn't help it.

There is a little voice to talk to somebody. But how could we? Even the friends we have, are not talking oftenly now. It always ends up as small talk and weathers. Guessed that just life.

After letting those heavy packs come to the light, we are going inside our souls deeper. We heard nothing but the breath and heart beats. Yes we are tired.

The world can be overwhelming sometimes.

Closing our warm eyes at the late night. One two three. There is actually peace within us.

Even when we wide awake in the sea of moments, we try our best to stay sane.

Sometimes we are too worried to think way out, are outside us. When honestly the universe is inside.

What sadden us, lies within our loaded souls.

What angers us, hidden beneath our unforgiving hearts.

Only when we are alone, we realize that we are truly never be. Getting to know ourselves are extensively closing the gap to the Almighty.

We are too busy looking for answers to many questions. When surprisingly it was always us who picked all of our broken pieces and patched them up so we could stand today, only with His guidance.

It is always okay to question everything. What is not okay, is to keep the burdens with over think them, and believing we are alone in this journey.

Wandering through the night might drain you, or recharge you. It might drown you, or keep you floating. Choose wisely.

After all the soul needs a little rest to come back to its very best (e. russell)